Category Archives: Anger

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Christians, Stop Shoving!

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

A number of years ago, before Chris Tomlin was a praise band must-know, Cathy and I went to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert which featured Tomlin and Jeremy Camp as openers.  Tomlin absolutely “stole the show” creating a worship space out of a concert center and leaving the audience so tired after standing and singing with him that when Chapman came out, we mostly just sat and listened politely.  We were apparently all thinking the same thing, “when Chapman finally stops singing, I am going to find that tiny Chris Tomlin booth in the lobby and buy his CD.”  And so, after the last prayer (for a safe ride home) we stormed the lobby where a crush of people were all trying to get to the swamped table at the same time.  As Cathy and I were being pushed, gouged and jerked around there was one of those odd unplanned moments of quiet, and then we heard a voice thick with 100% pure, honest, adolescent sarcasm say, “Christians, stop shoving!”

Of course, I know Christian people are still people and act accordingly but the memory of that night brings about a question I have been asking myself, God and others since I walked into Highland Park Baptist Church at the age of 17 and heard the gospel for the first time.

Why aren’t Christians more peaceful?

In Christianity we seem to have a long-distance relationship with peace.  We treat it like a spouse who happens to be in Antarctica doing research. We show peace’s picture around, telling people all about it and how much we love it and miss it, but we don’t have any real plans to make the journey to get it or unite with it full time.

Oh, good! Satellite radio! Now peace and I can Skype, or play a game of checkers together.

The key to the question seems to be that Christians don’t really have a place for “peace practices” as part of their expectation, liturgy or understanding.  Churches are full of programming – book groups, Sunday School, Youth group, Divorce Recovery groups,  Chronic Illness Support Groups, Mommy Groups, and Christian men’s breakfasts. We have plenty of space and  time devoted to Upward Sports and downward spirals.  But not peace.

Let’s face it – church worship is anything but peaceful.  We have so much stuff crammed into that hour (50 minutes if you go to the early service) – music, pastoral prayer, announcements of more activity, sermon, communion, children’s sermon, offering, special music – that churches who do “passing of the peace” often give the practice a very generous 2 minutes where people turn to the person next to them, shake hands and tersely mumble, “peace by unto you” before sitting down and waiting for the worship train to leave the station once more.  In church peace is simply a rest stop.

Every once in a while, a “peace trend” will hit the church. A few years ago it was Labyrinth walks – encouraging church members to come and walk the maze of contemplation gathering peace.  Some churches even committed all the way into digging up the grounds and building replicas of the Chartres labyrinth into their property. Others used the easier and more fleeting “Labyrinth In A Can”.

Just make sure to pack the peace up and put it away before the Swinging Seventies group comes in for tea and bible study.

But the labyrinths grew over or got put away because the Lenten family fair needed the fellowship hall floor.  Taize is another peace practice churches flirt with – holding it once a year as a special service and making sure to warn people there won’t be any talking.   We adore Buddhist monks and invite them to speak whenever possible, because we secretly envy their seemingly solid, enlightened peace.  We love peace – but our love for it and our church’s ability to encourage it don’t often work together.

Churches are made of people. And so, if we want a church and a faith more centered in peace – then we as the building blocks must have peace in ourselves first.  Jesus seemed to know we as a faith community would have problems with peace.  I think that’s why he said, “MY peace I give you.”  Because he knew we weren’t very likely to get some of our own. Listen to his words:

 “All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:25-27

So what can we do to become a peace-filled people?

1.  Take responsibility for your peace.  Don’t expect the church to hand it to you or create a program for you to accumulate peace like so many glass beaded crosses we get from the Women’s Mission Project.  Don’t expect a TV guru or  a book with a lotus on the cover to overwhelm your heart with calm.  Jesus tells us the Holy Spirit will “teach you all things” — that means YOU have to learn.  Set aside space, time, attention for peace practices in your life.

Oh Geez – I can already hear you shouting, “Are you crazy? You must live in a fantasy world. I have KIDS, WORK, DOGS, CHORES, CHURCH, CHURCH CHORES, LIFE. I don’t have time for peace!!!”  Stop yelling, it’s not very peaceful. And stop making excuses while you’re at it.  People with children can still find peace.  Work with it.  Work with your kids – maybe teaching them to meditate (if only for 5 minutes) or sit a listen to a nice peaceful song with you would start them on a better road.  Ultimately – how are you gonna do it?  I don’t know.  But ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how — don’t just leave the spirit standing at the door while you say, “I’m too busy to learn peace today.”

2. Don’t be ashamed of your peace.  In America we value stress and productivity. The more stressful and harried you are – the more important you must be.  We have lifted Steve Jobs up as the pinnacle of American success and then mumble quietly, “he was a work addict, mean-spirited, and isolated.”   All this push for activity makes it seem as if you are some kind of freak or socialist-communist-hippie-loser if you manage to get to work on time, walk in calmly, and smile because you feel at peace.  It’s not popular to live at a sane pace – and sometimes it even takes sacrifices (sorry, I can’t be in another book club, take on another bible class, start another jogging group).  But the solid joy and peace it provides makes it worth it.

“I do not give as the world gives,” says Jesus.  The world gives with strings. The world gives with false promises.  The world gives with “karma” (what you do comes back to you). The world gives with stress.  Jesus gives unconditionality, truth,  grace, and peace.  Don’t be ashamed to have those gifts.

3.  Lose your peace when it matters.  Jesus wasn’t some prozac driven happy guy who never lost his cool. He was angry (we love that temple story, don’t we?), he was sad, he was annoyed, he was argumentative.  But, all of those times we see his less-than-overtly peaceful side — were for good reason.  Jesus got angry over corruption, sad over loss, annoyed with stupid entrapping Pharisee questions, and argumentative with anyone who tried to say the Kingdom of God should leave someone out.

Don’t lose your peace over political differences with your neighbor, whether the youth group spilled juice on the new carpet, or who at work doesn’t have to use a copier code like you do.  Don’t give up your peace fighting over whether God helps football players, or which translation is the ONE TRUE TRANSLATION of the Bible.   Lose your peace over the millions of hungry people in the world, the physical violence toward women and children that happens in countries large and small, the spiritual violence of intolerance aimed at so many vulnerable people.  You want to be upset? Be upset where it matters.  Leave the guy who cut you off on the freeway to God (and accept that he may get grace instead of karma).

I heard a young man say not long ago, “As far as I’m concerned Christianity is just another hate group.”  I grieved his opinion, but also saw the logic by which he had achieved it.  We have been so busy allowing the loud, angry voices of faith dominate the media, the church, and the grocery store that we are playing catch-up in trying to show the world that we really are a love group – that has somehow lost its peace.   Let’s make an effort as individuals who make up the body of Christ to get it back, and this time – stay with it.

Christians, stop shoving.

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Locking Jesus Out

Lectionary Reading: John 20:19-31

One of the things I’ve liked most in ministry is it allows you to encounter people in the full cycle of life. Each person is at a different place in the circle but its amazing to see the cylinders of life go round and round

You are there to bless, praise and celebrate on their very best days:
The day they born
The day they a baptized
The day they graduate from high school, college, grad school…
The day they marry
The day they tell you they are having a baby
The day they retire and tell you their grandchildren are born
The day you hold their hand as they pass from this life into God’s heaven

You are there to hold, pray and comfort on their very worst days:
The day a miscarriage occurs
The day a disappointment happens
The day a crash occurs or an Emergency Room visit is needed
The day a job is lost or a dream goes up in flames
The day a divorce splits a couple in two
The day a family becomes estranged
The day a loved one makes that journey into God’s heaven

The thing I like about counseling is that it puts me in the lives of people in all the other days:
Days after a great event is forgotten and hope needs to come back
Days after a sorrow has occurred
The long never-ending days of bickering that threaten a relationship
Sheets of dark, depressing days of grief
The years of days after a trauma – where resolutions and solutions are finally found
Days of light and inspiration where guidance is a pathway
Days of laughter breaking through rain
Days of being whole again

Pretty much between ministry and counseling – you’re busy every day! What’s even more amazing than that? The presence and power of God. God is present every second of every day of every life span – including the seconds before and the eternity after. There is not a second God is not a part of. There is no way to shield yourself from that presence. As Carl Jung said so well “Bidden or not bidden, God is present”. In other words – there is simply no way to lock God out. Jesus is the same way.

Locking Jesus Out in Fear

Our scripture takes place after the resurrection when Mary of Magdala and the others return to tell the disciples Jesus is alive. News and whispers are everywhere. Of course – no one quite has a handle on that truth yet. Some say his body was simply stolen. Others think the women are mad with grief. Romans don’t like all this disorder in their neatly ordered world. Pharisees don’t like the scrutiny this affair has shined onto their laws and behavior – including some backdoor deal that ended in the arrest of a rabbi and the suicide of his disciple. In all the rumor and ideas floating around – the group closest to Jesus knew one thing: as disciples of the Christ – it is not safe for them to be anywhere.

So they do what any sane person would do when they are being pursued by forces known and unknown, they hide away behind a locked door. For whatever reason, Thomas is not with them. Perhaps they sent him out to learn what’s going on or maybe he was just doing a run for some daily bread. Either way, they send him on a dangerous mission carefully locking the door behind them. When suddenly, they will see not just the news – but the truth standing before them. Jesus is there.

You know as they looked to their messiah it was like walking into bright afternoon sun after being in a small dark room. They squinted and blinked, their eyes now unaccustomed to the sight of him – but there he stood. What’s the next thing they do? Look over at the door. It was LOCKED. But here stands Jesus. And they learn the most wonderful way – no matter how afraid you are, you can’t lock Jesus out.

We build walls in our fears too. We keep people at arm’s length or simply don’t tell them how we feel. We decide not to reach out for a dream because we are afraid of failure. We don’t seek out folks who could help us because we are afraid to appear vulnerable. We pray about what we want, not who we are – because deep down we aren’t so sure we want to be that honest with God. Yet through all the walls from our all fears, Jesus walks right into the room of our lives. Never let yourself be fooled. You can keep people at bay for a while, but Jesus Christ who saves you and loves you is going to walk right in. Count on it.

Locking Jesus Out in Anger

So Thomas comes back with the latest edict or a couple of loaves of bread and finds everyone stirring with light and joy. You know he is going through an energy rush of his own. He just risked everything to run this errand and now he’s back but instead of being thankful or listening to him – they are all blathering about seeing Jesus who came through a locked door. Thomas figures 1 of three things has happened:

1. They have gone as mad with grief as the women and the people on the street saying Jesus is alive. He is now the only sane one left.

2. They are playing some kind of mean joke on him. They have all made up this wild story to make him look like a sucker.

3. Jesus really is alive and did see them. Everyone got to be with their beloved Lord but Thomas. Even his twin brother got to see Jesus. Imagine how that could come between two so close in everything else. Thomas feels left out in the cold.

If its door number one: He’s all alone
If its door number two: He’s a laughing stock
If its door number three: He has been purposefully left out. He is “less than”

No matter which it is, he feels angry – and lets face it, we would too. No one wants to be left outside the circle, or laughed out, or alone. So in anger Thomas does what we do – he closes all the doors. Not just to the room – but the door to his heart, the door to his mind and the door to his faith also. “I don’t care what you say – unless I see his hands and I see touch his side with my own two little hands – I will not believe this.” In other words – Thomas is CLOSED.

A week later, Jesus appears again. This time Thomas is there. Jesus repeats the words Thomas uses and allows him to see his hands and touch his side. Most people think Jesus did that to chide Thomas for his hasty words, but I don’t. I think Jesus did it for one reason alone. To show Thomas that even though he couldn’t see Jesus in the room when he spoke his angry monologue, Jesus was there and heard every word. Jesus words and actions were saying:

“I’m not just around when you see my wounds or speak to me. I’m around even when you can’t see me at all. I’m always here. Blessed are you when you realize you don’t have to see me, but you know I’m there anyway.”

In our anger, hurt and distress we sometimes lock Jesus out too. We get caught up in a situation, sorrow or feeling of helplessness that we decide that we just can’t see God in this. We react instead of act. We strike out instead of let in. We suffer alone at night because we won’t risk reaching to anyone anymore. We might even say we know Jesus is with us – but the truth is – we aren’t always so sure what good that does.

Yet Jesus is not kept out by our locked minds, strong wills or stone hearts. Jesus is in, and Jesus will keep speaking, appearing, helping (and sending helpers), until you touch his hands and touch his side and KNOW that the fact he is alive makes all the difference in your world.

This Eastertide, make a commitment to unlock the doors of your heart (since you aren’t keeping Jesus out anyway) and be open to seeing Christ in working, walking, healing ways all around you. Hear for yourself the words Jesus says when he comes through every locked door – Peace be with you.

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God’s Not Angry – We Are

Reading: Psalm 13

In 1741 Calvinist minister Jonathan Edwards gave one of the most famous sermons in history. It is so renown the sermon is used in English and Religion classes as an example of the writings of the time. The title of the sermon is “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”. The image of this sermon is of God holding all people in God’s hands over the pit of hell – and in anger allowing some of them to fall to their eternal torment. To say it is a fiery sermon is an understatement. To say it accurately reflects God would, in my opinion, be a misstatement. Yet, we all sometimes get caught up in the “Angry God” theology. Some pastors preach the most important thing is to recognize ourselves as sinful beings who are separated from God and anger God. Others refer to the Old Testament as “the side of the Bible with the angry God”.

While it is important to recognize the sin in our lives, it is more important to understand first that we are beloved by God. We are God’s created, desired children (not just a bunch of bad seeds who disappoint God every day). Jesus didn’t come just because we have sinned. He came because we are loved. The God of the Old Testament is only angry if you just read the first half of each story. Every time God exiles Israel because of their worship of false gods, God brings them back to the Promised Land. Every time God punishes, God also heals. God tosses Adam and Eve out of Eden, and then gives them children. Their son kills the other son. God gives them another son. The God of the Old Testament isn’t always angry – that God is patient and more forgiving than we will ever know. So where does all this anger come from? I think it comes from us.

We are an angry species sometimes. We are not just angry when our country is attacked or injustice causes harm, but when we are driving (road rage, anyone?), when we feel cheated, lost, grief stricken or embarrassed. We hold anger. We remember it. We use it. We sell it. We buy it. We vote with it. We sleep with it. The 13th Psalm is full of it.

1How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

The psalm of lament says everything we say to God in our anger – Where are you, God? How long are you going to ignore my needs/wants/hurts? Don’t you care? Are you there?
There are three things to know about our anger with God.

Don’t be afraid to be angry

Many people are raised in religions that stress you should never be angry with God, question God or express doubt. The tragedy to that is it robs people of their right to ask important questions and to have an honest relationship. What happens is people start to carry anger at God inside them, and because they never express it honestly it eats them up from the inside out.

Imagine if you could never ask your parents, “why”? Think of all the things you would not learn. Would it be good if a parent told you not to touch a hot stove, but never told you why? Would you enjoy getting a C on your report card without knowing how the grade was assigned? Would it be okay if you came home from high school and were told you were being grounded for three weeks and to go to your room – without ever learning why? Questions and doubt are important to our growth and development as God’s children. When we fail to ask, we rob God of a chance to answer.

Our walk with God is a relationship, and every relationship endures anger. I used to tell couples planning to get married that they could tell the strength of their relationship not just by how much they laugh with each other, but by how well they forgive each other – because disappointments and anger happen even in the best of love. How we get through it is what matters most. Think of your deepest relationships – with your mom or dad, your brother or your sister, your best friend or your lover – as much as you love those people – haven’t there been times when you could just shake them, scream at them, or pull the car over and say ‘GET OUT’? Still you love them. Being angry with God over disappointments, unfairness, loneliness, heartache or illness is a normal part of a real relationship. Learn how to express your anger and let the healing between you and your loving Creator begin.

Don’t be addicted to being angry

Then there are other folks who want to carry their wounds and hurts around with no real thought to a solution or the relationship being repeatedly damaged. Anger is an energy source. It can empower, motivate and even propel people into action. It is powerful, and it is addictive. However, one of the major sermons God gave when Jesus was nailed to the cross was that reconciliation and forgiveness is the dream of God for us all. In other words: it is okay for us to get angry. It is not okay for us to stay angry.

Sometimes people use anger as a reason to hide from God. They say stuff like “I believe in God, but not organized religion” (because disorganized religion is soooo much better?). My experience with that phrase is the person employing it has been hurt before – by a church, a pastor or a person and is holding that anger against God. By avoiding the places and people of God, they never have to face their anger or resolve their feelings. It hurts them, and it hurts God. Be honest and open with God. Soon, you won’t be so afraid of religion, because you’ll be past that and into a real relationship.

Listen to the Emissary

Every once in a while a person can become so consumed with anger they can no longer adequately express or deal with it. The anger festers in them and they no longer have the ability or words to resolve it. That’s especially hard when your anger is at God. Sometimes even when God is trying to give comfort, you are too mad to hear the words.

“Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” revolves around a space station that encountered a unique problem. It was run by Starfleet – the military establishment, but inhabited by Bajorans – a race of people highly involved in their religion. They listened to the prophets. The two sides would conflict frequently in the battle of might versus spirit. In order for this group to work together the prophets picked an “Emissary” – someone who would speak for them. They picked a Starfleet Captain. That way – both sides could hear the voice of the prophets through the experience of a military person. Both sides would listen.

In one episode, a war is coming to the station. The Starfleet crew begins amassing weapons and preparing for battle, but the prophets say to pray and wait. The two sides fight openly about their differing points of view. Worf is a Klingon, a member of a warrior race, and it is expected he will take the side of the soldiers. However, he takes the other side. Someone hisses at him saying, “Since when did YOU believe in the prophets?” Worf answers wisely, “What I believe in is faith. Without faith there is no victory”. He turns to the Emissary (Captain Sisko) who settles the dispute and averts bloodshed.

Every time I watch that show, I think, “That’s what we need in our conflicts and issues with God. We need an Emissary.” And every time God is quick to remind me that we have one: Jesus the Christ. The voice of God in the form of us. Through Jesus, both sides can listen. When we are angry with God, we can look at the life Jesus led on earth and see how he resolved the situation.

On the cross, Jesus accuses God of forsaking him – Ever notice how much like us he sounds? “My God, why have you forsaken me?” sounds a lot like:
“I’ve been praying about this job for MONTHS, why won’t you answer?”
“You know I am lonely. Why won’t you send someone to love me?”
“Why did you let my father die?”
“Why won’t you take this pain from me?”
“Why do I have cancer?”
“Why why why why why why why????”

So what does our Emissary do with his angry question? He asks it! Then look at what is next – he says “into your hands, I commend my Spirit.” He asks. He yells. And then he trusts God. As Worf would say, “Without faith there is no victory”.

When you are angry with God, find the Emissary – Jesus – and learn from his life, death and resurrection. Tell God, listen to God, and then trust God to heal, guide and comfort you. Psalm 13 starts out as an angry accusation about the absence of God. But look how it ends.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Amen.