Category Archives: prayer

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Christians, Stop Shoving!

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

A number of years ago, before Chris Tomlin was a praise band must-know, Cathy and I went to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert which featured Tomlin and Jeremy Camp as openers.  Tomlin absolutely “stole the show” creating a worship space out of a concert center and leaving the audience so tired after standing and singing with him that when Chapman came out, we mostly just sat and listened politely.  We were apparently all thinking the same thing, “when Chapman finally stops singing, I am going to find that tiny Chris Tomlin booth in the lobby and buy his CD.”  And so, after the last prayer (for a safe ride home) we stormed the lobby where a crush of people were all trying to get to the swamped table at the same time.  As Cathy and I were being pushed, gouged and jerked around there was one of those odd unplanned moments of quiet, and then we heard a voice thick with 100% pure, honest, adolescent sarcasm say, “Christians, stop shoving!”

Of course, I know Christian people are still people and act accordingly but the memory of that night brings about a question I have been asking myself, God and others since I walked into Highland Park Baptist Church at the age of 17 and heard the gospel for the first time.

Why aren’t Christians more peaceful?

In Christianity we seem to have a long-distance relationship with peace.  We treat it like a spouse who happens to be in Antarctica doing research. We show peace’s picture around, telling people all about it and how much we love it and miss it, but we don’t have any real plans to make the journey to get it or unite with it full time.

Oh, good! Satellite radio! Now peace and I can Skype, or play a game of checkers together.

The key to the question seems to be that Christians don’t really have a place for “peace practices” as part of their expectation, liturgy or understanding.  Churches are full of programming – book groups, Sunday School, Youth group, Divorce Recovery groups,  Chronic Illness Support Groups, Mommy Groups, and Christian men’s breakfasts. We have plenty of space and  time devoted to Upward Sports and downward spirals.  But not peace.

Let’s face it – church worship is anything but peaceful.  We have so much stuff crammed into that hour (50 minutes if you go to the early service) – music, pastoral prayer, announcements of more activity, sermon, communion, children’s sermon, offering, special music – that churches who do “passing of the peace” often give the practice a very generous 2 minutes where people turn to the person next to them, shake hands and tersely mumble, “peace by unto you” before sitting down and waiting for the worship train to leave the station once more.  In church peace is simply a rest stop.

Every once in a while, a “peace trend” will hit the church. A few years ago it was Labyrinth walks – encouraging church members to come and walk the maze of contemplation gathering peace.  Some churches even committed all the way into digging up the grounds and building replicas of the Chartres labyrinth into their property. Others used the easier and more fleeting “Labyrinth In A Can”.

Just make sure to pack the peace up and put it away before the Swinging Seventies group comes in for tea and bible study.

But the labyrinths grew over or got put away because the Lenten family fair needed the fellowship hall floor.  Taize is another peace practice churches flirt with – holding it once a year as a special service and making sure to warn people there won’t be any talking.   We adore Buddhist monks and invite them to speak whenever possible, because we secretly envy their seemingly solid, enlightened peace.  We love peace – but our love for it and our church’s ability to encourage it don’t often work together.

Churches are made of people. And so, if we want a church and a faith more centered in peace – then we as the building blocks must have peace in ourselves first.  Jesus seemed to know we as a faith community would have problems with peace.  I think that’s why he said, “MY peace I give you.”  Because he knew we weren’t very likely to get some of our own. Listen to his words:

 “All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:25-27

So what can we do to become a peace-filled people?

1.  Take responsibility for your peace.  Don’t expect the church to hand it to you or create a program for you to accumulate peace like so many glass beaded crosses we get from the Women’s Mission Project.  Don’t expect a TV guru or  a book with a lotus on the cover to overwhelm your heart with calm.  Jesus tells us the Holy Spirit will “teach you all things” — that means YOU have to learn.  Set aside space, time, attention for peace practices in your life.

Oh Geez – I can already hear you shouting, “Are you crazy? You must live in a fantasy world. I have KIDS, WORK, DOGS, CHORES, CHURCH, CHURCH CHORES, LIFE. I don’t have time for peace!!!”  Stop yelling, it’s not very peaceful. And stop making excuses while you’re at it.  People with children can still find peace.  Work with it.  Work with your kids – maybe teaching them to meditate (if only for 5 minutes) or sit a listen to a nice peaceful song with you would start them on a better road.  Ultimately – how are you gonna do it?  I don’t know.  But ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how — don’t just leave the spirit standing at the door while you say, “I’m too busy to learn peace today.”

2. Don’t be ashamed of your peace.  In America we value stress and productivity. The more stressful and harried you are – the more important you must be.  We have lifted Steve Jobs up as the pinnacle of American success and then mumble quietly, “he was a work addict, mean-spirited, and isolated.”   All this push for activity makes it seem as if you are some kind of freak or socialist-communist-hippie-loser if you manage to get to work on time, walk in calmly, and smile because you feel at peace.  It’s not popular to live at a sane pace – and sometimes it even takes sacrifices (sorry, I can’t be in another book club, take on another bible class, start another jogging group).  But the solid joy and peace it provides makes it worth it.

“I do not give as the world gives,” says Jesus.  The world gives with strings. The world gives with false promises.  The world gives with “karma” (what you do comes back to you). The world gives with stress.  Jesus gives unconditionality, truth,  grace, and peace.  Don’t be ashamed to have those gifts.

3.  Lose your peace when it matters.  Jesus wasn’t some prozac driven happy guy who never lost his cool. He was angry (we love that temple story, don’t we?), he was sad, he was annoyed, he was argumentative.  But, all of those times we see his less-than-overtly peaceful side — were for good reason.  Jesus got angry over corruption, sad over loss, annoyed with stupid entrapping Pharisee questions, and argumentative with anyone who tried to say the Kingdom of God should leave someone out.

Don’t lose your peace over political differences with your neighbor, whether the youth group spilled juice on the new carpet, or who at work doesn’t have to use a copier code like you do.  Don’t give up your peace fighting over whether God helps football players, or which translation is the ONE TRUE TRANSLATION of the Bible.   Lose your peace over the millions of hungry people in the world, the physical violence toward women and children that happens in countries large and small, the spiritual violence of intolerance aimed at so many vulnerable people.  You want to be upset? Be upset where it matters.  Leave the guy who cut you off on the freeway to God (and accept that he may get grace instead of karma).

I heard a young man say not long ago, “As far as I’m concerned Christianity is just another hate group.”  I grieved his opinion, but also saw the logic by which he had achieved it.  We have been so busy allowing the loud, angry voices of faith dominate the media, the church, and the grocery store that we are playing catch-up in trying to show the world that we really are a love group – that has somehow lost its peace.   Let’s make an effort as individuals who make up the body of Christ to get it back, and this time – stay with it.

Christians, stop shoving.

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Spirituality is….Eschewing Obfuscation

Detective Spooner: So, Dr. Calvin, what exactly do you do around here?
Dr. Calvin: I specialize in hardware-to-wetware interfaces in an effort to advance U.S.R.’s robotic ahthropomorphization program.
Detective Spooner: So, what exactly do you do around here?
Dr. Calvin: I make the robots seem more human.
Detective Spooner: Now wasn’t that easier to say?
Dr. Calvin: Not really. No.
                                  Dialogue from the film “I-Robot”

One of my favorite T-shirts in a catalog for writers I receive says, “Eschew Obfuscation”.  Its a funny way of illustrating that saying something simply is better than puffing it up with big words that don’t matter, or hiding the truth behind a bunch of complex nonsense.  Or as my Mamaw would say, “Don’t take the long way ’round the barn.”

We got a very good look at obfuscation this week when Congressman Jon Kyl said 90% of what Planned Parenthood does are abortions. Confronted with the fact that was completely incorrect (its more like 3%) his office released the following statement, “His remark was not intended to be a factual statement,…”.  What?  I don’t know where he grew up – but where I grew up, “Not intending to give a factual statement” means – you’re telling a lie and you know it.

Why do people “obfuscate”?  Lots of reasons.  It limits confrontation because people are too confused to know how to argue, it is supposed to make the speaker appear more intelligent or the idea more complicated than it really is, or it just (supposedly) makes things seem more valuable. Whatever the reason, the basic cause is the same:  need.   People who make things harder than they have to be or hide behind complex language and murky ideas have some need – the need to be admired, the need for validation, the need for authority, the need to pass the blame.

Spirituality is the opposite of this practice.  Spirituality is not need based – it is abundance based. Spirituality is the part of us that recognizes that God meets our needs, and our relationships with others are to be based on security and love, not fear and manipulation.  Spiritual people don’t require larger words than necessary, or decide to place truth outside of the realm common people can understand. Jesus addresses this understanding in his famous teaching about prayer.

“When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
This is how you should pray:
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.”
Matthew 6:6-13

When you look at verse 6 in the King James Version it reads, “Go into your closet and pray.” The first time I encountered that my immediate thought was, “Jesus has obviously never seen my closet!”
My closet is full of unplayed games, dirty gym socks that managed to evade the laundry basket, boxed Christmas decorations, photo albums and clothes so old I couldn’t fit into them with a crowbar. I don’t have time to clean my closet, let alone pray in it.

Maybe I should pray to be neater…

What Jesus is saying, of course, is that prayers aren’t for public approval or affirming self-righteousness – they are a time of communion between you and your creator and deserve respect, focus and honesty.  The sample prayer Jesus uses as a teaching tool has been studied and recited for centuries. However – in learning about it – some good old obfuscation has appeared.

When trying to give us better understanding of it most preachers and teachers use the acronym ACTS.

Adoration
Confession
Thanksgiving
Supplication

The problem with the ACTS model is the words. They are big fifty-cent words. Stained glass words. Words from an air-conditioned, padded-pew, everyone-in-a-dress church setting. But what about the everyday? What about the day you are standing by the side of the road waiting for a tow truck to haul your car back to the garage that was supposed to have fixed it correctly the first time? Is “Adoration” really the word you are thinking as the sun beats down on you? Probably not. While you are silently asking God to help the tow truck arrive before a psycho-killer notices your predicament, would you call that your supplication? It’s doubtful.
Maybe there are some better words:

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,”

KNOW - Know that the creator of the universe is holy, and loves you.

“your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

REMEMBER – Remember that God is in charge and has desires for what happens on earth that it should become more heavenly.

“Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

ACCEPT – Accept and Acknowledge what God gives to you.

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”

ASK - Ask for God’s help, guidance and assurance.

Know, Remember, Accept, Ask: Everyday words for an all-day-long God. This model probably won’t become very popular because it doesn’t spell anything catchy. That’s okay, because when you are standing on the freeway choking down the dust as the tow truck pulls up and you feel the cool breeze of blessed relief, those are the words you’ll be thinking about.

The first hallmark of spirituality is its honesty.  No matter where or how you spend time in communion with God – be clear, sincere and open.  Spirituality doesn’t have to “sound good” – it simply has to seek what is good.

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Spirituality is…Restless

“A few seconds are long enough for a revolutionary idea, a startling communication, a baby’s conception, a wounding insult, or a sudden death. Depending on how we think of them our lives can be infinitely long or ultimately short.”
                           Robert Grudin – Time and the Art of Living 

Our relationship with time has changed since humans first started measuring days with the movement of the sun. We used to use time to mark our lives. Now we live in such a way as to fulfill the requirements of time. We have forgotten time was meant to serve us, and now time has become the master. Aware that time is pushing us around, we tend to push back. 
Think about it.  How many times have you:
  •  Stood in front of a microwave oven and said “Hurry?”
  •  Refused to see a movie in the theater because it was three hours long?
  •  Left a restaurant because there would be a 30 minute wait (only to spend 20 minutes driving in a car to another one?) 
  •  Complained because a website took more than five seconds to upload?
Our perspective of time is skewed in favor of the fast, the convenient, and the instantly accessible. It’s indicative or our general feeling of cultural and spiritual restlessness.
This desire for time to speed by and for the things around us to “hurry up” makes the waiting place even more unbearable. Like school children who have stacked our books on top of our desk and slung our backpack over our shoulder, we watch the big hand of the clock inch s-l-o-w-l-y forward, tapping our foot impatiently. We are ready for the next adventure.  Why are we waiting?  We echo the same sentiment as David in the Bible, “How long, Oh Lord?”
David, the anointed King of Israel, spent more time in the waiting place than most people. He didn’t just sit around. For a time he was serving King Saul and learning how to lead an Army, and then he spent some time in caves hiding for his life. He made friends, got married, won battles, and prayed, prayed, prayed. Yet, again and again his prayers increasingly reflected his restlessness to be King.
Hear his words in Psalm 13
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
       How long will you hide your face from me?
 2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
       and every day have sorrow in my heart?
       How long will my enemy triumph over me?
 3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
       Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
 4 my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
       and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
                                                Psalm 13:1-4
We’ve been taught to think of the psalms as song, but they really were prayers that happened to be sung.  In this prayer we see David exasperated and exaggerating.  He sounds like a teenager who’s been grounded for a week begging to be let out early.
How long?
Is it going to be FOREVER?
How long are you going to hide from me?
I’m bored! I’m depressed!
This waiting is killing me!
Let me out or I will die!
All my friends, and even my enemies, are laughing at me.
Sound familiar?  It’s the song of our prayers as we wait for our circumstances to change. It’s the cry of our heart when we are waiting for the pain to stop, or the healing to begin. It’s the hope we send up when we need a job. It’s the complaint we grumble when the lab results won’t be back for a week. It is our restlessness showing we are ready to leave the waiting place.
How can you tell the difference between when God is asking you to wait, and when God has said the time for waiting is over?  The restlessness is usually a good clue. We get restless when it is time for us to make a change in our life. Suddenly, the same things we have done no longer feel good, or right. We spend more time looking out the window or down the track than taking stock of where we’ve come from and what we have. We are gathering our books. We are ready.
I’ve always advised people that the best time to consider quitting your job isn’t when you’ve had a terrible day at work and you realize you don’t like what you’re doing. The best time is when you have a great day at work, and everything goes right, but you still don’t like what you’re doing.  That’s when it’s time to prepare for a change. 
Restless energy is a great tool for spiritual revival. Take all that passion that is building for change and channel it into learning about God, being with God, and preparing to step away from the waiting place into the path that is waiting. What does David end his prayer with?
 5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
       my heart rejoices in your salvation.
 6 I will sing to the LORD,
       for he has been good to me.
                                    Psalm 13:5-6
David uses his time to trust God, and enjoy the fact that he knows God is with him even when it doesn’t always feel that way. David sings and remembers the good times, and good things God has done.

When you are in that place of reconnecting with God and going through a transition of life or love, use some of that time to reflect on the places you and God have been, and the places you and God are yet to go. Remember good times. Remember God’s love. Get ready to feel that love time and time again.



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Out of the Depths: Dealing with Guilt

Lectionary Reading: Psalm 130

For centuries in the season of Lent, early Christians recited the “7 Penitential Psalms” – each Psalm picked by ancient monks because of the display of guilt, the call for hope, and the expectation of rescue from sins, enemies, and situations. The 7 Penitential Psalms are:

Psalm 6 – A prayer in times of sorrow
Psalm 32 – A prayer to celebrate forgiveness
Psalm 38 – A prayer to recognize God’s anger
Psalm 51 – A prayer of confession
Psalm 102 – A prayer in the presence of enemies
Psalm 130 – A prayer in time of trouble
Psalm 143 – A prayer for rescue

Of these seven, the one that the lectionary picks for this Sunday in Lent is Psalm 130 – This psalm not only resonates with the Psalmist’s deep faith in God, but shows a map to deal with that hobgoblin of spirit and truth – Guilt

What HIV is to the blood, guilt is to the Spirit of God within us. Guilt eats away at us, sometimes invisible on the surface, and other times creating reactions that show through all of our attempts to conceal them, creating havoc and destruction in its wake. It comes into our life through various ways – the well meaning, accidental lessons of parents to children they want to behave, the lines drawn across our life paths from teachers, preachers, mentors and friends, and the internalized “shoulds” we get from myths, media and messages around us.

It’s not very hard to know how we get it. The question is, how do we get rid of it? Lent isn’t just about recognizing and repenting – it’s also about recovering and relationship.

Rabbi Naomi Levy (one of the first female Conservative Rabbi’s in the US) wrote a book of prayers to help people deal with the real life recovery and relational situations titled “Talking to God”. There are prayers for young parents worried about the future, young women looking for love, and blessings for weddings, funerals and coming of age. There are also prayers you won’t find anywhere else – a prayer for a woman who has had an abortion, a prayer for a man going through divorce, a prayer for parents of children with special needs, a prayer for a survivor of personal trauma, and a prayer for a spouse who has had an affair, a prayer for someone dealing with vanity. I have used these prayers and many more countless times in ministry and care and witnessed their power.

Her prayer about guilt resonates with everything that is wrong about guilt. Guilt usually isn’t based on what we have done or what we are responsible for doing. More often than not guilt eats away at us for things we imagine we should have done differently, better, or impossibly. Guilt isn’t based on our sinful realities (that’s consequence). Guilt is based on our imagined deficiencies. Yet even as we read her prayer, we know it’s a cry from deep within our souls.

A Prayer to Subdue Guilt

“I’ve been blaming myself, God, for the tragedy that has befallen me. The thoughts keep running through my mind. I could have done more. I should have done more. But none of my self doubt is helping to erase the past. Teach me, God, to believe I do not deserve to be punished forever. Help me to forgive myself. Help me to love myself as you see me, despite my weakness. Show me your love, today and always. Amen.”

Talking to God, page 154.

Much in the same way as the liberating prayer helps us identify and reckon with the guilt in our life – Psalm 130 shows the three tools we can use to get through it and heal from it.

Call Out

“Out of the depths, I cry to you O Lord” – The psalmist calls out to God from that place where guilt has taken him. The bible is full of people who call out to God from the depths: Jeremiah from the depths of a dungeon, Daniel from the depths of a lion’s den, Paul from the depths of prison, and Christ from the depths of agony on the cross. It is the first step to release and repentance. Calling out to God about the things we hold deep within us.

We all carry the secret self in our hearts. Counselors typically call it the “If persona” as in: “Oh sure, they like me – but IF they only knew what I was really like – they’d turn away” or “My boss keeps promoting me, but IF he only knew how little I know, he’d fire me” or “People say I’m strong, but IF they only knew what I did (or didn’t do) they would see how weak I really am.”

The way to begin to work with God to heal is to admit to God (and sometimes to others – after all, a psalm isn’t a diary – people heard these songs out loud!) that “If person” is in us, and needs to be set free. Call out from your depths, and examine the ideas churning guilt like an underground spring in your soul.

Perspective

“If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand?” – The psalmist begins to recognize the problem isn’t that God doesn’t forgive him. God keeps no records of our atoned wrongs. Like a loving parent who remembers our childhood from a collection of refrigerator pictures and mother’s day gifts, instead of every misspoken word or disobedient rally we had as teens, God remembers us not by the list of sins we’ve committed but the love and reconciliation we have made together.

This perspective helps us let go of useless guilt – the “I should have known”, “I could have done things differently”, “I would have given…” phrases that keep us up at night. When we surrender to God’s forgiveness, we can be free to forgive ourselves too. Because, if God forgives us – who are we to hold on?

Expectation

“My soul waits for the Lord and in his word I put my hope” – the psalmist recognizes healing and deliverance take time. He doesn’t just cry out, feel forgiven and go on with his day blessed and happy. Although our guilt has been relieved immediately by God’s love repairing the damage already done will take more than a minute. Yet, even as he waits not just “feel better” but to “be better” the psalmist knows it is going to happen. Want to know the best tool in your box for releasing needless guilt? Hope.

When we cry out and understand that our God is the God of hope not the impossible “should haves”, we may have to review and release a few times before our minds, bodies, souls and circumstances are actually willing to let go. Yet even then – when regrets threaten to mount – we have the hope that knows God’s love, God’s future, God’s power will get us through this and we will be free.

Never give up calling out. Never give up tools, and perspectives. Never, never, never give up on God.

A Prayer When We Are Too Hard On Ourselves

“Teach me how to love, God. I am so critical of myself. I set such high standards for myself. I accept shortcomings in others, but I am so unforgiving of myself. Help me, God. Teach me how to enjoy my life. Remind me to be kind to myself. Show me how to embrace the person that I am. Soften my heart, God; open my eyes. Fill me with the capacity to treasure my life. Thank you, God, for creating me. Amen.”

Talking to God, p 235.

Amen, and Amen.